Life To Live
by AdamAddictsAnonymous
Summary: Adam sat with the rest of the students at the pep assembly, wondering why anyone could have any pep when only a few months ago a student had died.
1. The Nightmare

_Bianca stood on the edge of the road staring over at Adam. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she watched the sophomore. He just stood in the middle of the road; staring directly ahead. It was almost like he was expecting something to happen._

"_What are you doing?" Bianca asked lazily. She left of the 'freak' since no one else was around. She could act civil when she wanted to. But when he didn't answer she grew slightly angrier. She thought of just walking off towards her car and leaving him there to be his weird self, but something forced her to stay. "I'm talking to you, freak." She snapped and that seemed to get his attention. He looked over and Bianca stiffened. _

_His eyes were completely blank and his expression neutral. He didn't seem pissed that she had insulted him and wouldn't leave him alone. It was just like he gave up on everything._

"_What?" he asked slowly, not really interested in hearing her answer._

"_I said; what are you doing?" she repeated, her anger vanishing the minute she saw his pathetic expression. It wasn't that hard to sense something was off… wrong even. The normally hyper and happy boy was replaced with this completely emotionless one._

_He shrugged in response and faced forward again. Bianca thought he wasn't going to answer her; so she started to ask him again, only to be cut her off._

"_Giving up." He said simply. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion and she was going to ask him what he meant by that when she saw the speeding truck slam around the corner. Brown eyes widened in horror and she turned around to look at him._

"_Adam; move!" she shouted desperately. Instead of jumping out of the way, like a normal person would, he turned to look at her. She saw a flicker of acceptance fill his eyes and a slow smile slid onto his face. _

"_Later Bianca." He said._

"_What… no!" she shouted, taking a step towards him only to jump out of the way. The driver slammed on the brakes, but it was too late. Bianca watched in horror as the truck slammed into the sophomore. There was a disgusting cracking noise and a scream tore from Bianca's throat._

"Adam!" Bianca shouted, shooting into a sitting position. Her breathing came in rapid bursts and her tank top clung to her sweaty skin. It took her a second to take in her surroundings, and when she did she quickly kicked away her sheets and stumbled from the bed. The red numbers blinked at her from the alarm clock; telling her what time it was. 2:45 in the morning; and she was suddenly wide awake.

It was the last day of her senior year and she found herself having nightmares of the tranny. She hadn't even spoken with Adam since her junior year, when she found his secret and made it her job to ruin his life. Why was she having dreams like this now?

With the nightmare fresh in her mind she stumbled from the room, knowing she wouldn't be getting any sleep with the sound of cracking bones filling her ears and the image of his last peaceful smile behind her eyelids.

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

I don't –sob- own Degrassi D:

**Author's Notes:**

I know, I know D: I shouldn't really be starting a new story right now; but I couldn't help it. This is inspired by the book Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver(: I also know this chapter is kind of short; but it's basically like an introduction~

I promise to keep on updating all my other stories as well(:

Love Me?

V


	2. Day One

Bianca pulled into the school parking lot and shook her head, trying to get the nightmare out of her mind. She could still hear the sickening crunch and the expression on his face when the truck had slammed in to him. No pain; just peace. Her hand slammed over her mouth and she pressed her forehead into the steering wheel, trying to keep the contents of her stomach down. She knew eating was a horrible idea, but her mother just would not _leave her alone_.

Pushing open the door and stepping from the car her mind wandered back to the dream. She pushed the image from her mind and focused more on _why_ she would have that dream. It wasn't like she hated the junior, heck she'd never really _hated_ the boy; she just wanted the school to think so. Maybe the dream was telling her that she really wanted Adam to die… which didn't make any sense since she didn't want the kid to die. Did anyone ever really want someone else to die?

She decided not to answer that, but scratched that idea off her _'Why I Dreamed This'_ list. Maybe it was some kind of sign given by God; telling her to make amends with him before it was too late. She quickly scratched that off the list as well. Since when did God care about her personal problems? Maybe it was just a simple nightmare and she was looking too much into things. That last one seemed much more plausible.

That didn't stop her stomach from turning when she saw the boy crossing the street, and it also didn't stop her from giving him a kind smile when he looked in her direction.

_**xxxxxxx**_

As Bianca walked down the hallways she still couldn't shake the nightmare from her mind. Something about it just made it stick to her mind and a nagging voice in the back of her head was telling her there was more to it then she thought.

"Miss DeSousa," a voice broke into her thoughts and she stopped. Mr. Simpson stood in front of her, beaming like he had just won the lottery. After Bianca started paying more attention in class and getting her grades up the two's relationship changed drastically. She was no longer the rebel that was repeatedly sent to his office for a lecture and punishment. In his eyes she was probably one of his success cases. Proof that the new school rules would help get rid of drama and help people move on with their high school careers.

Bianca just didn't want to end up as some pathetic loser like her parents.

"Yes Mr. Simpson?" she asked. Whenever he wanted to talk she knew it wasn't just about punishment anymore. Now he was trying to help her get her future together and do something worthwhile.

"Just got the call from your sister; congratulations on getting into Yale." A slow smile spread across her lips and she shrugged like it was no big deal.

"Thanks Mr. S; couldn't have done it without you." He smiled, patted her on the shoulder and made his way down the hallway. Even the memory of making it to Yale couldn't get that nightmare out of her mind.

_**xxxxxxx**_

Bianca sat on the log and swirled her beer around; not bothering to take a swig. She'd normally never give up the chance to have a beer, but at the moment she just wasn't feeling it. Her stomach was churning and she felt like she'd empty the contents of her stomach onto the gravel if she put anything else in it. She watched the flames continue to flicker but when they slowly morphed into Adam's face she looked away.

Why was that dream haunting her?

"Hey Bee," Owen said, slamming down next to her and throwing his arm over her shoulders. The sudden movement nearly made her lose her lunch, but she held it down with a grimace. She still tasted bile in the back of her throat and turned to glare at Owen.

"What?" she snapped and he instantly retracted his hand, raising both in surrender.

"Whoa; whoa senior. No need to get all high and mighty because you're out of school." Owen defended and Bianca's eyes narrowed. Ever since her junior year, when she moved in with her sister and started paying attention in classes, her grades got better and better. Owen had been surprised at first but let it slide, actually happy she was doing better for herself. But ever since he found out he would be repeating his senior year and she would be graduating their friendship had hit some rocky waters. He always insisted that she was acting like all of them were beneath her, and it got old.

"It's not my fault you got held back, Owen." Bianca snapped defensively. His eyes darkened and he opened his mouth to shoot some witty comment back at her when his eyes rested on something over her shoulder. A disgusted grimace slid onto his face and Bianca's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What are _they_ doing here?" Bianca curiously glanced over her shoulder and noticed Eli and Adam making their way towards the bonfire. They high-fived a couple people on their way over.

"Glad you could make it Adam!" someone shouted and he nodded in their direction, smiling slightly. It was obvious that he was uncomfortable being here, and he had every reason to be. Sure; half of the students hanging around were good friends with him. But the other half hated his guts and would do anything to see him dead; Owen was one of them.

"What are you doing here, freak?" Owen spat, standing up and sloshing some beer onto Bianca. She barely paid attention to that; her eyes focusing on Adam instead. He froze and glanced over, making eye contact with Owen and then Bianca. Bianca stared right back before the image of him watching her before getting hit by a car flashed through her mind. She quickly averted her gaze and gulped down most of her beer, intending to stay out of it.

"Watch yourself Owen." Eli snapped, jumping to his friend's defense. Owen's glare quickly snapped over to the Goth boy and narrowed even more. The tension between the boys had not disappeared in the year they had to mature. Owen still blamed Eli for his best friend's expulsion and Eli still hated Owen for all the pain he caused Adam throughout the year.

"Think you're all high and mighty because you're graduating, eh Goth boy?" Owen snapped and Bianca sighed irritably.

"Knock it off Owen." She snapped, much to everyone's surprise. Owen's eyes drifted towards his friend and his eyebrows shot up.

"Siding with him Bee?" he asked, "Some kind of friend you are. Do you think that just because you are graduating and going to some hot shot college that you're better than me? Whether you like it or not you're still one of us." He growled and Bianca's hand clutched into a fist around her beer.

"Go fuck yourself Owen." She muttered, bringing the bottle back to her lips.

"Or maybe you're defending him because you have a little crush on the faggot. Did know you flew that way Bee."

"I said shut up!" Eli snapped, his hands clutched into fists as he took a few menacing steps toward the previous football player. Owen gaze a smug smirk.

"And what are you going to do to make me?" While Eli and Owen continued to yell at each other Bianca saw Adam slip away from the corner of her eye. Her heart literally stopped beating and, leaving the two to their squabble, she followed after him.

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

I don't –sob- own Degrassi D:

**Author's Notes:**

(: I was surprised by all the feedback I got; thanks guys! :D

School was _sooooooooo_ tiring D: I haven't been absent that long in my entire life and now I have a giant crap load of things I've got to do. :/ Not to mention I have to rehearse a little more before the play and help fix up some of the props ): So many extracurricular activities; it's not even funny D:

On the plus side; my crappy English partner left me alone! :D

Love Me?

V


	3. Day Two

_Bianca pushed through the trees, trying to keep the younger boy in sight._

"_Adam!" she started to shout, her stomach clenching painfully in fear. She had a horrible feeling that she knew exactly what he was going to do, and she felt helpless. "Adam!" she shouted again, just as she broke through the trees. _

_There he was; standing in the middle of the road like before. He plopped down on the ground and just stared up at the sky. She watched his chest rise and fall slowly with each deep breath. _

"_Adam?" she called out shakily. He turned slightly so he could look at her and she saw the same emotionless eyes as before. "Adam get out of the street." She insisted desperately, the image of him being crushed by a car forever imprinted in her mind._

"_Why do you care?" Adam asked dully and tears pooled in Bianca's eyes._

"_Come on Adam, seriously." She continued, her eyes flashing towards the end of the road. She heard the familiar sound of an engine and automatically took a few steps closer to the younger boy. Maybe, if she was lucky, he would just come with her. Or maybe she could grab him and drag him off the road before any harm could come to him. "Please."_

"_Go to hell Bianca." He said as the truck came barreling down the street. At a last second a content smile slid onto his face. "I guess I'll be seeing you there."_

"_Adam!" she shouted and a male voice mixed with hers. Eli came running up beside her and pushed past. The car came to a screeching halt and all Bianca could see was the blood. _

"_You did this!" Eli was yelling at her, "You pushed him; you murderer!"_

"No!" Bianca shouted, shooting up into a sitting position. Her eyes wildly searched the room, her breath coming in labored pants. She kicked her sheets away and grabbed her alarm clock. The 2:45 blinked back at her and a weird sense of déjà vu washed over her. Just to make sure she checked the date… May 24th.

The same day as her dream.

_**xxxxxxx**_

As Bianca pulled up to the school she couldn't help but feel slightly dizzy. She had the distinct impression that all of this had happened before. And that, maybe, it actually _did_ mean something. There had to be some reason that all of this was happening… didn't there? If there wasn't a reason then her dreams would be exactly alike, right? Right; and they weren't. They all had the same ending though.

Adam committing suicide.

She felt bile rise in her throat and pressed her forehead into the steering wheel. That morning she didn't let her mother convince her to eat breakfast because she had the feeling that she'd just puke it up later. It seemed she was right.

"You ok Bee?" Bianca jumped and her hand slammed down on the horn. The loud blaring noise filled the school parking lot and people immediately turned towards the noise. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, looking over at Owen with a vicious glare.

"Don't do that." She snapped and he smirked triumphantly.

"Did the big bad Owen scare the little Bianca?" Owen teased, making his way to the passenger seat and letting himself in. Bianca's glare never left her best friend's head and she leaned back in the seat. She debated whether it would be better to open up or keep the nightmare all bottled up. Since he _was_ her best friend and she almost always told him everything she decided to fill him in. Maybe he'd have some insight as to why she was having these morbid nightmares.

"It was this nightmare..." she started awkwardly and Owen snickered.

"Nice Bee, that's…" she glared at him and his sentence trailed off as his eyes widened. "You're not joking are you?"

"Obviously not." She pointed out the obvious and he awkwardly scratched the back of his head.

"Sorry Bee; I just thought you were screwing around with me or something…" he muttered feebly. She rolled his eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes glued to Adam as he walked across the street with his older brother. Almost like he sensed her gaze his head automatically turned. Their eyes met and she gave a tiny smile before quickly turning back to Owen. "Do you want to tell me what it was about?" he prodded. She wondered what his reaction would be if she told him she was frazzled because her nightmare had been Adam committing suicide. He'd probably laugh and say it wasn't a nightmare; it was wishful thinking.

"Nah," she said, shaking her head. She opened the door and started pulling herself out. Owen did the same.

"Come on Bee; I didn't mean to laugh." He insisted, slamming the door closed and traveling around the front of the car so he was right next to her. "Maybe talking will help clear your mind." She shrugged.

"Honestly; it wasn't that big of a deal." She lied, "And I hardly even remember It." his eyebrows furrowed.

"Then how…?"

"I just know it was a nightmare." She said simply. He studied her for a second and she tried to keep her face neutral. He always had a habit of telling when she was lying, but this time he seemed to accept it.

"Ok…" he muttered before brightening up. "There's a party at the ravine tonight; you coming?" a warning bell went off in her head and her mind screamed '_NO_!'.

"Sure." She found herself saying anyways. She had to get to the bottom of this.

_**xxxxxxx**_

Bianca had stayed after to talk to Mr. Simpson about Yale… again. She couldn't get as into the conversation as she would've liked because it just seemed repetitive to her. She'd heard it all before and she just wanted to get out of there and make it to the ravine before Adam. Mr. Simpson seemed to sense the tension and kept her longer in an attempt to pry what was going on from her. She gave some bull shit response about not getting enough sleep, which was true, and wanting to take a nap. He seemed to accept that answer and let it go. By the time she made it to the ravine the party was in full swing, but it didn't seem like it.

"Stupid Goth boy,"

"_Let him go_!" Bianca's heart sped up and her legs swiftly took her a little farther into the ravine. She saw Owen and Eli going at it in the middle of a large group of people. It seemed like Owen was winning the fight, but that was to be expected since he was ten times larger than the other boy and liked to cheat. A few feet away someone was holding a struggling Adam, who was trying to escape and help his friend.

"Hey!" Bianca shouted, "_Hey_!" she shouted louder when no one responded. She pushed her way through the group and Anthony, the boy who was holding Adam back, instantly let go of the younger boy. Adam dropped to the ground at the unexpected release and Bianca rushed over to Owen and Eli. "Stop!" she said forcefully, trying to yank Owen off the other boy. Something collided with her face, maybe Owen's elbow or one of Eli's swinging punches, and she tumbled backwards. Her head was throbbing from the sudden impact and she was dizzy.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Adam slip away. She made to call out to him, to tell him to just _stop_, but her foot hit a rock and she tumbled backwards. Her head hit the ground and blackness enveloped her.

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

I don't –sob- own Degrassi D:

**Author's Notes:**

Heyheyhey! (: new Degrassi tomorrow; _soooo_ excited! I'm also going to see Skyline/Unstoppable (haven't figured out which one yet) with Kensie. That should be fun (:

Love Me?

V


	4. Day Three

_Bianca walked down the halls of Degrassi, watching as all of Degrassi mourned around her. She remembered waking up to Owen's face hovering over hers, cops in the background._

"_He's dead Bianca!" he had shouted and she heard sobbing behind her. It seemed word had spread fast through all of Degrassi and everyone knew about Adam Torres' suicide. The fact that there was to be a memorial service later that day also helped spread the word. She passed Eli and Clare who were both trying to comfort each other because of the loss of their best friend._

_She still couldn't believe it was happening. What she also couldn't believe was she had the ability to stop it. Her dreams had already told her what Adam was planning to do and she still didn't do anything but get caught up in the petty fight that broke out between Eli and Owen. If she really had paid attention she would have stopped Adam from making it to the road. Or she would've even spoke to him beforehand and stopped him from even going to the ravine. But, of course, she had stepped aside and let everything fall into place._

_Now she was paying the price. Everyone was mourning, even herself, and she could've done something to stop it. She could've done something to make sure Adam never hit rock bottom. He would've never accepted, even welcomed, death and threw himself under a car. _

"_I can't believe he did it…" people whispered as they walked by. Bianca sighed in defeat and turned towards her locker. As she opened she knew that she would have to live with the guilt forever. The guilt of knowing it was originally her fault because she ripped his shirt open and made it her job to make his life hell. And then she went and let him kill himself, choosing to ignore all the signs and dreams that were given to her._

"_Bianca." A voice laced with grief and anger muttered. Bianca's eyebrows furrowed in confusion and she looked over at Drew, who stood right next to her. She wondered what the foot player wanted since they never spoke before. _

"_Yes Drew?" she asked without her usual snappy attitude. The poor boy was suffering enough without her snootiness. He looked up and she winced at all the pain in his eyes._

"_This is all your fault." He replied simply and her eyebrows shot up. _

"_Wha-?" she started, wondering if he knew. But before she could get the question out he pulled a pistol from his jacket. She immediately took a few steps back, her wide eyes glued to the gun in his hand._

"_Drew…" she whispered as people around her started to panic. "Don't do this…" she said, looking back up at his eyes. The pain was replaced with blame and rage._

"_This is your fault!" he shouted, "You couldn't just let him be, could you? Now he's gone!" Bianca took a few more steps back, her eyes filling with tears._

"_Drew."_

"_Just shut up!" with that Drew cocked the gun. That was when Bianca knew he really was going to shoot her. "This is your fault." _

"_Drew no!" someone shouted and the gun went off._

Bianca's eyes snapped open and she started panting. Her wide eyes snapped over to the alarm clock and she wasn't surprised to see that it was 2:45 in the morning. There was something going on with these dreams. She never believed in the possibility of someone being psychic.

Maybe she was just going crazy.

_**xxxxxxx**_

Bianca awkwardly stood by Fiona, shifting uncomfortably under the intense gaze the older girl had trained on her. She had been planning to meet Owen at the ravine so she could confide in him, but she had passed the Dot and spotted Fiona sitting with Adam, Eli and Clare. Remembering all the rumors about Fiona Coyne seeing a therapist made her push her way in. She waited until Fiona went up to order something before confronting her.

"I-is it true that you see a therapist?" Bianca asked, cursing the stutter that came out without her approval. She never stuttered.

"Yeah." Fiona snapped shortly, her eyes narrowed darkly. Bianca could practically see the defensive shield go up for the socialite, and she couldn't really blame her. Bianca hadn't ever made an effort to welcome the girl when she came back. In fact she had went out of her way to make her, as well as Adam, realize just how much they weren't wanted. She used everything in her power to make the girl's life hell, just like with Adam. Why should she think anything otherwise?

"Does it help?" she asked, finally looking up to meet her gaze. She saw shock immediately fill them and the older girl stumbled back.

"Pardon?" Fiona asked, wondering if she heard her correctly.

"Does therapy help?" Bianca repeated and Fiona's eyebrows rose. Her eyes lifted up to look over at Eli, Clare and Adam, who were watching her intently. After a second she looked back down at Bianca.

"It depends…" she said cautiously, "What is it that you need to talk about?" Bianca grew defensive.

"What makes you think I need to talk about anything?" Bianca snapped and Fiona's eyebrows shot up. She looked like she was about to make a snappy comment before realization settled in. She remembered the first time she was told she'd have to go to therapy. She never told anyone, even got defensive and insisted _nothing_ was wrong with her.

"I get it." Fiona said softly and Bianca looked up, startled. "Going to therapy doesn't make you crazy." Bianca laughed bitterly.

"I think I already am…" she mumbled mysteriously. Fiona noticed something was obviously wrong with the younger girl and reached out to grasp her shoulder.

"What is it?" she asked softly. Bianca opened her mouth to reply but Adam chose that exact moment to show up.

"What's up?" he asked cautiously, his eyes glued on Bianca. Bianca snapped her mouth shut, seeming to come to her senses about something and realizing she might have let some secret out.

"Nothing." She said snottily, shrugging Fiona's arm off and marching out. Adam and Fiona watched her go before Adam turned on the older girl.

"What was that about?" he questioned. Fiona's eyes stayed on the door Bianca just exited out of.

"I think she was asking for help…" Adam's eyebrows furrowed and he followed her gaze. Bianca asking for help? That didn't seem realistic.

_**xxxxxxx**_

This time Bianca was expecting the fight and chose to ignore it. Her eyes wandered around the group of people before noticing Adam slipping away. Instead of trying to break up the fight between the two immature idiots she followed after him; she was going to stop him this time.

She had to.

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

I don't –sob- own Degrassi D:

**Author's Notes:**

So tired! D:

Love Me?

V


	5. Day Four

_Bianca pushed through the trees, desperately trying to catch up to the junior._

"_Adam!" she called out, fearing she wouldn't make it in time. Make it in time to stop him from doing what he planned to do. "Adam!" she shouted again, breaking through the trees. He was standing in the road and his back was facing her but she knew he heard her. "Adam, stop!" she said forcefully and he slowly turned around to face her. She was distressed to see the same emotionless expression on his face; like he was already dead._

"_Go away Bianca." He said simply and Bianca stumbled towards him._

"_Adam; don't do this." She was surprised at how pleading her voice sounded. She told herself she was going to be strong and force him out of the street. Now that she was here she couldn't help but beg and plead; trying to get him to leave the street willingly. "Think of all the people you'll be hurting."_

"_Name one." Adam responded simply._

"_Your brother!" Bianca said._

"_He'll get over it since it'd give him a clear shot to Fiona." Bianca's eyes frantically snapped back towards the end of the road._

"_Fiona then."_

"_Will have Drew."_

"_Eli, Clare!"_

"_They have each other."_

"_Your mom!"_

"_Will be more upset that she lost the chance of having her daughter back. Face it Bianca; no one will miss me." Bianca licked her lips._

"_Me." She said and Adam let out a bitter laugh. It was the only emotion he had shown since she got there._

"_You? Don't make me laugh; you hate me!" Bianca's eyes flashed back to the end of the street. Her entire body was curled and waiting for the familiar roar of the engine and the tires tearing down the street._

"_I may have before Adam; but I was a judgmental bitch than."_

"_And you aren't one now?" Bianca winced at the accusatory voice he used._

"_I'm over it now…" she said slowly and Adam rolled his eyes. "It's your life and you can do what you want with It." as soon as she said the words she wished she could take them back._

"_Exactly; so if I want to end it then it's my choice."_

"_Adam; don't just throw your life away because I was a bitch last year! You have so much to live for!"_

"_No I don't." Adam said carefully and Bianca took a few steps closer._

"_This isn't just affecting you Adam; it's affecting everyone. Did you ever stop to think what others would be feeling?" Adam tensed up and Bianca knew she hit a soft spot._

"_They'll get over it." he replied simply and her anger flared up again._

"_No Adam! No one will!" she threw her hands in the air. "You may not believe me but this affects everyone, me more so then anyone. Do you know what it's like to see someone die over and over again? Well I do; and it is painful!" Adam's eyebrows furrowed._

"_What are you talking about Bianca?"_

"_I've seen this before Adam! I've seen you die over and over again and I've been powerless to stop it! But not this time."_

"_I'm not moving Bianca." He said; looking at her like she was crazy. The familiar roar of the engine could be heard._

"_Then I guess I'll just be dying with you." She said stubbornly. She kept her legs locked in place, even if her mind told her to flee. Adam's eyebrows widened in shock and fear as the truck barreled down the road._

"_No!" he said, pressing both hands into her arm and using all his strength to shove her out of the way. She stumbled, her converse hitting a rock and sending her tumbling. She felt the wind of the car as it screeched to a halt and heard the thud as it connected with Adam's body before her head hit the ground with a crack and everything went black._

Bianca's eyes snapped open and she cursed herself; she had failed, _again_.

_**xxxxxxx**_

Bianca sat at the computer, the clock telling her it was six thirty in the morning. Her fingers hovered over the keys and her leg wouldn't stop bobbing up and down. Eventually she summoned up the courage to type in 'visions' and searched through the links. The subject was too broad which made her elaborate by adding the word dreams in front of it. As she searched through the links she found a connection; most of them only happened once. Someone would have a dream about a thief or some random event in their life and that would be it.

It didn't explain why it felt like she was living the same day _over_ and _over_ and _over_ again. Maybe it was her job to make sure that Adam survived… and if she didn't complete her task then she would have to Maybe it was her job to make sure that Adam survived… and if she didn't complete her task then she would have to repeat the day until she did. But she couldn't exactly think of anything that would help Adam change his mind. The last time she had tried to yank him out of the way she had almost been nailed by the truck that hit him.

With an aggravated sigh she turned off her computer; wondering why all of this was happening to _her_. She never believed in crap like 'second chances' and 'destiny' so why did it seem like it was her destiny to give Adam a second chance at life? Maybe it was because she was the one that had always made his life hell. It was her fault that his life had gotten more and difficult. Sure; people got used to the fact that there was a transgender at the school, but there were still people that didn't accept it and made it their job to mess with them.

She wished it was their job to give him a second chance at life and not hers. It wasn't like she made it her job to ruin Adam's life… anymore. She had moved past that rebellious phase in her life and worked on doing something worthwhile. This just wasn't fair. If she didn't find a way to stop him from throwing away his life then she'd forever be trapped in this cycle. She'd have to make a bigger effort of stopping him, and she figured an easy way to do it.

_**xxxxxxx**_

Bianca sat at the side of the street, lazily pulling out her phone and checking the time. Instead of attending the party at the ravine she decided to wait by the side of the road where Adam got hit. Her brown eyes traveled away from her phone and over towards the street. She remembered the blood and how his body had been completely lifeless right there. Eli screaming, her head smacking the ground; it was all too much. She needed to stop this endless cycle of suicide so she could get on with her life. She'd learned her lesson; never mess with someone so bad they committed suicide.

And if God, or whoever was doing this, was listening to her then they'd realize this and let her live in peace. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, listening to the bushes shake like someone was pushing them aside.

It was show time.

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

I don't –sob- own Degrassi D:

**Author's Notes:**

I feel _soooo_ bad D: I told my mom that I that my stomach hurt and she nearly had a heart attack, thinking something had went wrong because of the surgery… it was just because I had fallen down the stairs :P That'll teach you not to keep your shoes untied! Lol~

Only like 3 more chapters until this story is finito! :D And 12 more chapters of Overcoming Struggles before that's done as well(:

Love Me?

V


	6. Day Five

"_Adam." Bianca started cautiously, not wanting to startle the younger boy. Apparently she startled him anyway because he nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized he wasn't alone._

"_Bianca, what are you…?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. _

"_Adam; don't do this." She said, getting right to the point. His expression dropped from confusion to defensive. He took a step back, his eyes becoming guarded._

"_How did you know?" he asked slowly and she tried to force back the bitter laugh._

"_You wouldn't believe me even if I told you…" she muttered, mostly to herself. She took another step towards him, feeling like a zoo keeper making its way towards a freaked out animal. Her hands were raised to show there was no threat and she was taking slow, cautious steps so she couldn't startle him. Again._

"_What…?" Adam started curiously before he dropped all sense of emotion all together. She could hear the familiar roar of the engine in the background and the tires squealing down the road. The speeding truck was getting closer and closer. _

"_Adam, come on…" she insisted, taking a few more steps towards him._

"_I think you need to go Bianca." He said in a monotone voice. She shook her head, seeing the headlights make their way around the corner._

"_Not without you Torres, come on." She persisted, head quickly turning to see how close the truck was. This time she got a look at the driver and couldn't believe the idiot was so focused on his beer he wasn't able to see the two kids talking in the middle of the street. He could've easily spotted them and swerved to avoid contact, but he was too wasted out of his mind. It was like destiny wanted this to happen._

"_I'm not going anywhere DeSousa, but you should leave." Adam replied simply. Bianca practically growled, remembering how stubborn the younger boy was. When he flirted with her, before the…incident, she kept trying to give him the cold shoulder and he's just come back with an even cuter pickup line. As well as his huge, innocent blue eyes; that were staring at her with a cold indifference that didn't belong._

"_I just said not without you beanie boy." Bianca said, before her eyes flashed over to the car. It was getting closer and closer so she decided to drop the whole 'approach with caution' act. She rushed over and tried to drag Adam out of the way, but he was stronger then he looked. "Get out of the way!" Bianca shouted as the car came closer. Adam's eyes widened in shock and he grabbed Bianca's wrist._

"_Bianca, move!" he shouted, trying to shove her out of the way. It was too late, the car was moving too fast and it was too close. It made contact…with the both of them._

Bianca snapped into a sitting position, her breathing labored and her wide eyes wildly looking around the room. She silently wondered if both she and Adam had just…_died_.

_**xxxxxxx**_

Bianca was getting really pissed with this whole situation. The whole, try and save Adam and if you can't then you repeat the whole day was getting a bit ridiculous as well as repetitive. For one; it wasn't like it should be her responsibility to save Adam if he was so intent on dying for no apparent reason. And second; she had no idea how to save the stubborn little ass. Nothing she did seemed to stop Adam from getting hit by the friggin' car.

And it was pissing her off.

"Miss DeSousa!" a voice snapped into her thoughts and she jumped. Everyone in the class was turned to face her, and her math teacher was staring her down. From the corner of her eye she saw the junior in question watching her. She turned slowly to face him. She snapped her head back to attention when the vivid image of him getting slammed by the car, _over_ and _over_ again, whipped to the forefront of her mind. "I asked you what the value of x was." She looked down at her paper, suddenly remembering they were supposed to be reading their answers out loud.

"2.45 repeated?" he nodded and continued down the line, all the while she felt Adam's gaze bearing into the side of her face. Eventually she turned to meet his gaze but he quickly whipped around and answered Mr. Tener's question. Bianca's eyes stayed glued to the back of his head, forcibly pushed down the images of him getting hit by a car. She had to figure out how to stop this repetitive cycle of hate and suicide before she was permanently scarred by it.

Forcing down a bitter laugh she looked down at her math homework. She was probably already scarred by all of this; she just didn't want to make it worse than it was. If everything continued like this forever she would, no doubt, lose her sanity. She'd never be able to attend Yale and find that 'one special someone' later on in life. She wouldn't even have a life because she'd be so busy trying to figure out how to stop Adam from killing himself. It was all just so morbid.

"Psst; Bee." Bianca glanced over at the sound of Owen's voice, fighting down the nagging question of how he ever got into pre-calculus when he was dumber then a doornail. "Coming to the ravine tonight?" that question always seemed to bring bad luck with it. She'd either attend and watch Adam die, or not attend and get shot in the face by some overly depressed brother. Both her choices weren't that great, but at least with the first one she had a chance of stopping Adam from doing something stupid.

"Yeah; I'm coming." Owen smiled, nodded and went back to his avoiding his work.

_**xxxxxxx**_

As Bianca sat on the log at the ravine she couldn't help but feel the air of finality around her. She felt like this would be the last night of her reliving Adam's suicide and she couldn't tell if that was a good or bad thing yet. With a groan she pulled the beer to her lips and took a swig.

"What are those freaks doing here?" Owen snarled and Bianca looked over. Just like she suspected; Adam and Eli were making their way over.

"Because they were invited and they're friends with practically half the people here." She was done with all this bull crap about Eli and Adam being the enemies. After pulling her life together, and reliving a suicide over and over again, her priorities were better than ever before. Putting all the blame on Eli and Adam for everything wrong in the world was a stupid and immature way to handle things. "So don't do anything stupid."

Owen was already half way over to the two friends, spouting insults.

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**Disclaimer:**

I don't –sob- own Degrassi D:

**Author's Notes:**

Tener- _to have_ in Spanish. I was doing my Spanish homework as well as working on this chapter and that's where the math teachers name came from~ just saying(:

Two more chapters! EEP! (:

I'd just like to apologize for any confusion with this story and would like to announce a comment that made my day.

_Let's Do This…_ by Senshi_Raidon on Chapter 5. AMAAZZIING! (:

Love Me?

V


	7. Day Six

As the boys continued spitting insults at each other Bianca saw Adam duck back into the trees and take off. She dropped her beer and shoved past Dr. Doom and Owen, ignoring the 'Hey, you stupid bitch!' and the 'Where are you going Bee?' as she followed after the junior. When she made it to the trees she sped up her pace, ignoring the branches that tugged and scratched at almost every part of her body. Finally, she broke through to the road and stared at Adam.

An odd feeling settled in her stomach, like this would be the last time she'd ever have to watch Adam get hit by a car. She hoped that was a good thing, but still wasn't quite sure. She shook the feeling off and tried to think of something to do; she hadn't made a plan this time.

"Bianca?" Adam asked, shocked when he finally noticed the elder girl standing on the side of the road. "Wh-What are you doing here?"

"Adam, you can't do this." She insisted.

"How did you…?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He didn't have to finish his question because she always understood what he was asking; how did she know what he was planning.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." She said, letting out a bitter laugh. His expression hardened and he stood up a little straighter. She could tell from his stance and past experiences that he was going to be stubborn about this. He always was. "Adam, _please_!" he plastered a bitter smile on his face.

"Who knew Bianca would ever beg for anything, huh?" he said. She took a few steps closer to him, wanting to tuck him under her arm and run. She knew that would be impossible, since he was bigger than her and would probably put up a fight. She wasn't Owen, who could just throw him over his shoulder like it was nothing. It wasn't even possible for her to shove the boy out of the way since he could easily resist.

Bianca had to face facts; she wasn't as strong as she wanted to be.

"Adam, seriously, don't do this!" Bianca pleaded, tears pricking at the corner of her eyes as she heard the roar of the engine. She knew what was coming; she had relived this moment three times already. Every single time she felt even more powerless. Like there was no way she'd be able to save him.

"Why do you care?" Adam asked sharply, just as the large truck barreled around the corner. Bianca resisted the urge to jump out of the way; knowing Adam would die if she did that.

In that split second she realized what had to happen. All the other ways she tried to save Adam came to mind. How each time she either tried to save both of them, or just left him to die. The way Eli had called her a murderer and Drew told her it was all her fault. Some force out there wanted her to pay for all the horrible deeds she had done. The way she had ruined Adam's life without a second thought and expected just to move on with her life, now knowing how much damage she had really done.

Because of her actions Adam wanted to throw his life away. The only way to stop that would to have someone else sacrifice their life. _Her_ life.

"Because you have a life to live," she said just as the truck blared its horns. "And I don't." the driver slammed on the breaks; but it was too late. Bianca used all her might to shove Adam off to the side of the road and the truck slammed into her before she had a chance to jump out of the way.

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**Disclaimer:**

I don't –sob- own Degrassi D:

**Author's Notes:**

Wow this chapter is shorter then I hoped :/

Get why I called it _Life to Live_ now? ;D

Anyway; don't worry my lovies! This is not the last chapter; the next chapter is the next chapter :)

Love Me?

V


	8. Recuperating

Adam sat with the rest of the students at the pep assembly, wondering why anyone could have any pep when only a few months ago a student had died. He figured it had something to do with the depressed state he fell in. He had rose in popularity since his sophomore year and now he practically knew everyone in the school. This probably was supposed to bring him out of his funk, but it only succeeded in pissing him off.

Weren't they the least bit upset about Bianca's death? He knew the answer to that; it was _no_. They were only worried about him and it really sickened him. Sure; Bianca never had the greatest attitude and was a downright bitch all the time, but she didn't deserve to _die_. None of them worried about that though, they were just worried he was upset about nearly dying, not that he had witnessed someone die. And no one, other than Owen and himself, _really_ mourned her death. It would've been more tragic if it had been little Adam Torres, not the big, bad Bianca.

No one knew how close he really was to death that night. How he had wanted to die but, it was Bianca that had stopped him. Would they all actually start to care about the brunette that was a bitch most of her junior year? Probably, and they probably would've locked him away for trying to kill himself. Something that no one had ever found out.

They all thought him and Bianca were having an argument when the car barreled around the corner. That the fight had turned physical and one hard shove got Adam out of the way, but not Bianca. He never spoke a word against that accusation because he hardly spoke a word since he watched Bianca die. There were too many unanswered questions swimming around his mind, and the only person that would be able to answer them was six feet under.

How had she known what he was going to do when no one else did? When he asked her that question her response had been 'you wouldn't believe me if I told you'. Now he wasn't so sure. Was she psychic? Maybe she had noticed the signs when none of his family members or friends had noticed?

Why did she risk her own life to save his? She never showed any sign before that she liked the boy; in fact she had gone out of her way to show him her hatred. So if she hated him so much, why would she let herself die in his place? Did she have some unresolved feelings toward him or something? Eli had always joked that she did and tried to cover it up with her insults, but he always thought that was stupid. Maybe it wasn't really as stupid as he thought.

The last question was if she really did think she didn't deserve to live. The look she gave him when she told him that he had a life to live and she didn't made him think so, and that crushed him inside. He heard about scholarship to Yale and how she put her life back together. She hardly visited the ravine, hardly drank and stayed away from all the other illegal shit she had done in her life. Yet she threw her whole life away for his because she thought she deserved to die.

It killed him inside, knowing that she wouldn't be able to do anything with her life because of him. But, he never really did think of suicide again. No matter how hard things ever got he knew it would ruin her sacrifice if he ever killed himself.

"Come on Adam, this pep assembly is finally over." Fiona said, smiling as she took his hand and dragged me after Eli and Clare.

"That was the stupidest thing I've ever had to participate in." Eli groaned and Clare rolled her eyes.

"It wasn't that bad." Clare defended and, from the tone of her voice, Adam could tell she didn't really believe it.

"Whatever." Eli chuckled, rolling his eyes and glancing back at Adam. "Adam agrees with me, don't you buddy?" Adam smiled.

"Yeah." He said voice slightly hoarse. A slow smile slid onto Clare's face while Eli's smile widened even more. Fiona gaze his hand a tight, reassuring squeeze and he figured that, maybe, he would be fine after all.

_**Fin**_

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**Disclaimer:**

I don't –sob- own Degrassi D: and I'd also like to thank Lauren Oliver for publishing Before I Fall and giving me the inspiration for this story(: You all should go check it out!

**Author's Notes:**

Aww the cliché, fluffy ending (: I originally was going to end it with the last chapter but, then I decided that it deserved a semi-happy ending(:

Sorry this update took so long :/ stupid viruses are stupid and deserve to go die. But—_thank god_!—my laptop is finally fixed. I'm just not that pleased with the way this chapter turned out :/ I had it written out before and it was perfect! I re-read it like a million times to make sure it was perfect, but then the virus wiped out most of my fricken stories -_- I wanted to get this out soon so I just threw something together and posted it. Sorry it's not amazing D: but, at least this little fic is _finally_ finished! Yay!

(I'll probably come and edit it later :P)

Love Me?

V


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